product review

I’m Going To Patent This, And Then You’ll Be Sorry.*

also Robertson Winery’s Chenin Blanc 2009 (the 2006 is well reviewed, but i’ve found nought for this year’s, which is most likely what you’ll find on the shelf. ) is pretty okay good, and cheap, and while i don’t know much about chenin blanc in the first place, i’d be able to tell you more about it if i hadn’t just drank so much of it.

flint? green apple and grapefruit? but sweeter than all that sounds. there’s a sweet sort of tang to it.

anyway, have i ever mentioned the Bacchanalmet?

bacchanalmetbecause it’s basically the best idea (admittedly, not a very good idea at all).

but seriously, since we (myself and my nameless [previously named] coworkers) conceptualized and christened the thing, we’ve been convinced that it is either the best or best-named thing in some time, but incomprehensibly, whenever i bring it up in (admittedly more pedestrian) company, its revelation ceases to impress to what i feel the appropriate degree.

in case you don’t understand, it’s like a beer hat, or foam dome (seems like no one knows what that one is, either. maybe it’s a name brand? or a Simpsonism? although when one puts it into a google image search, two of the first four hits are of beer hats, and only one each of a dome-shaped house and a bunch of college coeds frolicking at one of those preposterous foam parties, so i don’t know what the confusion is.)

you have no idea the blank and/or confuse stairs i’ve been confronted with when expecting an enthusiasm and hilarious mirth to match my own, from friends, in-laws, casual acquaintances.

(if it helps, which it shouldn’t have to, look up bacchanal, you philistine. it shouldn’t take a Delphic Oracle to see that this is funny stuff, am i right? i mean seriously. what’s going on? you got guys over here being like “hey, check it out…,” and then these guys over here like “what d’ya think,” and i’m all like, okay, WHOA WHOA WHOA)

*and be all like “hey Mr. Dr. (on account of all my honorary degrees) Jonah B. Bacchanalment, please let us sleep and live on your previously unimaginably plush couches and circular sofas and drink of your private vineyard and eat of your ineffable cornucopia of gastronomical delights while you conveniently overlook the audacity of our treacherous enjoyment of your (nigh) boundless generosity, we who scoffed at the very bacchanalmet that made your fortune, your future, your finely ordered estate.”


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